twentyfive
i’ve been putting off writing for the past few days, even though i feel that its time for me to reflect on where i am in my life and whether i am reaching the potential and goals that i have set out for myself, whatever they may be.
that’s the problem: “whatever they may be.” i don’t have a clear goal any longer. the lines are fuzzy and blurred and i’m not sure if i am where i want to be. this i know for sure: my life feels stagnant. between turning twenty four and turning twenty five, i don’t feel any different and i can’t accept that life has become a routine. this can’t be it, right? you hit your mid-twenties and things just become the same over and over again? no, this can’t be right. we are still young.
this is why i need a change. the fact that i feel as if i’ve discovered nothing about myself this past year, except that i can become numb to my feelings and go to work every day at the job that’s not for me, is unacceptable. i’ve become consumed by lists and to-dos and the next steps. i listen, but i don’t. i feel my motivation disappearing and my acceptance of the dull rising. no, this can’t be right.
this year, things will be different. this year, i will make a commitment to discover myself again. i will strive to find the prettiest sunsets. i will take leaps of faith even if they scare me. i will rediscover my dreams. i will feel young, wild, and free again. i will live my life as if there is music in the background and i’m in a movie. i miss those days, but i will have them back…
